Tuesday, December 4, 2007


I am a sucker in a big way for the 'traditional' Christmas shows. Rudolph is a classic. It takes me back to being little and the excitment, the anticipation, the magic of it all. It was so special and I haven't been able to capture that same sense of wonderment. Having kids has helped but its just not the same. I have tried very hard to keep over commercialism out of the whole affair. We never really did Santa with the kids. I can so clearly remember when I was about 7, the older kids at school were spreading this nasty rumor that Santa wasn't real. That he was all made up. I couldn't believe my ears and so when I got home from school I had to ask my mom and I was sure she would reassure me. She told me how Santa is real if you believe in him, or something else that was equally as unassuring. I can remember that it felt just like my best friend was dead. It felt awful. I felt as though my parents had been lying to me. I felt betrayed and hurt. and I cried. And cried. I can remember the betrayment and the feeling of being lied to so strongly that I never wanted to lie to my kids. We played with the whole Santa thing just a little, but I just couldnt lie or sneak around about it. Anyways, the sum of the whole thing is, even watching Rudolph is not putting my heart into Christmas this year. It just isn't there. I would like to skip over the whole thing and if it wasnt for the girls, I would.

No comments: